


I Would Drown in You if You Would Let Me

by NiceCoasters



Category: Free!
Genre: Asphyxiation, Breathplay, Choking, Established Relationship, M/M, dubcon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-09
Updated: 2014-01-09
Packaged: 2018-01-08 02:35:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1127333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NiceCoasters/pseuds/NiceCoasters
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I want you to choke me" said Haru.<br/>Makoto would prefer not to.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Would Drown in You if You Would Let Me

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [I Need You More](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1130596) by [Arashe](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arashe/pseuds/Arashe). 



Studying at Haru’s that night had rolled over to making out in the early morning. Training the next day would be rough, but with Haru’s hand on his back and tongue in his mouth Makoto found it difficult to care. The hand on his back started pushing, and he let it lead him down until he was sprawled out over Haru. He hoped they’d managed to put everything away. Last time Haru had ended up lying with a corner of his math textbook digging into his back, and while Makoto asked him to say something next time he doubted he’d take his advice.

He lifted himself up on his forearms to check, but Haru just pulled him back down, biting his ear and whispering “I want you to choke me.”

“Okay,” Makoto answered, as he always did when Haru started a sentence with “I want”. It took until the end of another languid kiss for the sounds to turn to sense.

“Wait, Haru,” Makoto started, but Haru was already tugging at one of his wrists. He struggled to maintain some sort of balance as Haru led the hand towards his throat.

“Wait, you can’t be serious.” He regretted the word as soon as it left his mouth. Of course he was.

“Please?” He shaped Makoto’s hand around his neck and looked up at him. Makoto’s stomach did the same backflip it had done after their first kiss. If he’d asked him to jump out the window with his eyes like that he would already be in the garden.

“Haru, I don’t want to hurt you,” He tugged his hand up, and Haru let him have it. He didn’t say anything, but that little frown and the tension that seized his body was response enough. Makoto rolled onto his back, letting out a sigh. He studied Haru’s profile and lightly touched the back of his hand. “I… I want to make you happy, but, I can’t see how this would…”

“It doesn’t hurt. It feels,” Haru shrugged, “It’s almost like being underwater.”

The implications hit Makoto and he sat straight up, “Haru!” He reeled himself back, “Haru, did someone choke you?”

Haru shook his head, a small movement, like the one he did when trying to get his bangs out of his eyes. “I do it myself,” He said, placing his hands around his own neck, “Like this.”

“You… isn’t that dangerous?”

“I let go if I pass out. Besides, that’s only happened once.” Makoto tried to find some response to that besides that growing pit of fear opening in his stomach, but Haru continued before he could, “It’s fine if you don’t want to. Like I said, I can do it myself.”

Haru’s hands only tightened slightly, but the sight made Makoto turn cold. He grabbed Haru’s wrists and jerked them away, then caught himself, and gently brought them to his lips. He kissed each one before releasing them.

“If…” He began, mind swimming with half-remembered news stories about dead politicians, found alone in seedy motels, Haru lying bruised and still on the bathroom floor, “If I do it for you, will you promise not to… please, never do that alone again.”

He caught Haru’s eyes, and while he couldn’t imagine he could have the same effect on Haru as Haru did on him, it at least seemed to get his attention.

“Okay, I promise,” He smiled, and again tried to place Makoto’s hand on his neck.

“Wait, I…” Makoto stumbled. Was that it? No more talking, just diving in?

“Just a few seconds, if I need to stop I’ll tap your arm.” Haru reached out.

“But what if… If you’re lying down I might not be able to get off in time, or you might not be able to tap my arm, or… Please stand up.”

Haru was up and reaching out a hand to help Makoto in an instant. With a shaky laugh Makoto took it. Even on this unsteady ground some things were so familiar.

Standing, hands on Haru’s shoulders, trying to breathe normally, Makoto found the strength for one last request.

“Put your hands on me, grab hold somewhere. Let go when you want me to stop, okay?” Haru nodded, and Makoto winced as he seized hold of his hips.

“There, you can start now,” Haru’s hands and eyes were steady, but Makoto felt his pulse thrum deep and quick as he wrapped his hands around his neck.

He just had to close his hands, no, the hands in front of him. They weren’t his, that wasn’t Haru’s neck. This wasn’t him choking his boyfriend. Was Haru even his boyfriend? They’d never talked about that. He would have to ask later, but now he had to move those muscles.

Haru moaned slightly as the (not his) hands tightened, or maybe he was just feeling the vibrations. It wasn’t so hard, he could do this. There was a knot that felt like illness building up in his own throat, but he could do this. Press down.

The hands around the neck, even if they weren’t his hands or Haru’s neck, were too terrible to look at. He looked up, and he couldn’t pretend that wasn’t Haru’s face, but he didn’t want to either. That smile, that light that just emanated from Haru when he was in the water, was right in front of him. For a moment he basked in it, awed by the sight, until he saw the blue tinge on Haru’s lips and let go, laying his hands on Haru’s shoulders.

“I didn’t let go,” Haru said, put out.

“Your lips were…” Makoto started, then gave up and clutched Haru to his chest, he exhaled and all his thoughts flooded out with it, “Haru, you’re beautiful, I love you, I never want to lose you and I don’t want to think about losing you, and you are so, so beautiful.” Haru tightened his grip on Makoto’s waist,

“I…” He started, sounding perplexed, but he pushed on, “I love you too.”

“So, would you be my boyfriend?” Makoto said, and drew back to see Haru’s brow knit tightly in concentration.

“I wouldn’t do something like this with someone who wasn’t my boyfriend.”

Makoto laughed, relieved, and drew him back in.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first attempt at porn in years (oh god, is that notebook still at my parents) and I have no experience with breath play, so I'm sorry if I got anything wrong. I appreciate critique and corrections if you have them. Thank you very much for reading.
> 
> -Warning: Anything that cuts off breathing is a very high risk activity and is not done anywhere close to safely in this fic.-


End file.
